HO HO HOLY FUCK

The other day I was trying to think back when the holidays were just "fun". When there wasn't the stress or the irritation or the rush for it to all be over. When I wasn't completely exhausted before they even happened! Definitely pre-kids or maybe as far back as when I was a kid because as an adult, and especially a mom, it's work. Just one more job to add to the list. One more meal or side dish to think of and schedules to coordinate and... well, damn. What was once easy and jolly now makes me question why we don't just leave town for the month of December or possibly become Jehovah's Witnesses.

It all starts in October. Christmas decor is on sale before Halloween is over and offers little recognition of Thanksgiving, which is in close competition with Independence Day, as my favorite holiday. For a while, Thanksgiving was a lot of schlepping. Go to my husband's family and then to my mom's and then home. Even for this nice Jewish girl, eating two Thanksgiving meals was getting to be too much. Pre-kids, that was my biggest issue. Since kids, it's way more schlepping, planning, preparation with more car rides and by the time it's over, you are a little less thankful for the holiday and a little more thankful to be home. Now, we have it at my house so we cook, drink and eat and the kids can play. Anyone is welcome, but even with the meal prep, it's more relaxed and way easier on me, not to mention, I can stay in my pajamas all day if I want. I count that as a win. So, we'll keep Thankgiving on the calendar for next year. 

Next is Black Friday, which yes, I deem a holiday, or did anyway. We used to wake up super early, throw mini liquor bottles in my purse and shop, shop, shop. It started with my sister-in-law's and became an annual event which I quickly grew to love. The sales and deals and a kid-free shopping day with cocktail breaks and laughs, OH MY! Then stores started opening on Thanksgiving which I am adamantly opposed to and this year, most stores didn't open until 6am on Friday and I have to say, the sales- not stellar. Fortunately, I had the company of my mom, sister and several "vodka infused" flavored waters which always makes for a cheerier time. 

Here's the thing, once you have kids, shopping is a mission. You have to plan. What gifts am I buying and where can I get it at the best price so I can stay within a budget. I think the gift planning is really the bitch of it. As if planning dinners and activities and family outings isn't enough, now add gift lists and buying and wrapping to the mix. I love giving gifts, but it seems that it isn't so much about the thought anymore as it is finding the season's hottest toy or the value of the gift. My kids are young so that does make it easier for the time being but I know it's not going to last long enough. Last year, I did framed pictures of my kids and made infused vodka and chocolate bark. This year, that shit ain't happening. I don't have the energy or time. To all of you who make gifts and send holiday cards, I salute you. I love having them on my fridge and seeing how your kids have grown, but if you are interested in what mine look like, I'll post a picture of my daughter's solemn face and my son screaming while sitting on Santa's lap. It pretty much sums up 2017 for us. 

Now we're into Hanukkah and before we delve into the Festival of Lights, let's talk decor. I realize I live in the South; however, we have a pretty high Jewish population in my area. So, Target, I ask you, why does much of your store look like Christmas took over, yet all Hanukkah gets is some shitty endcap which is mostly consumed by Mench on the Bench boxes. Mench on the Bench, Elf on the Shelf- whatever you call it, I'm not having it! Mark my words. Anyway, that fucking endcap annoys me every year. Not to mention, I know I'm not the only home that celebrates both Christmas and Hanukkah. Someone is missing out on some major money making opportunities on creating some "Hanu-mas" decor.

Back to Hanukkah. Admittedly, I was concerned that my kids wouldn't be into it like they would be Christmas, but Tyler has been loving it! She is stoked to light the candles and has been great about opening one present at a time and appreciative even when it is a "need" rather than a "want". I'll take that as a parenting win! I didn't grow up with Christmas as a kid and always wished we could have the magic surrounding Santa, the tree decorating, the holiday lights and the thrill of Christmas morning. As an adult, I like that my kid gets one gift a night and I can watch her enjoy it before she can open anything else because last Christmas, as she tore into gifts and tossed them aside to open the next, I was a little disappointed. Did she like it? Was she excited about the gift she opened or just opening the next? Who knew. 

Next, we have Christmas on the agenda. Fortunately, I've bought and wrapped everything and if I haven't gotten something, I'm not going to. It is what it is. I don't know how it is in your house, but in mine, I come up with the gift lists, do all of the shopping and all of the wrapping for both of our families, so unless my husband suddenly decides to venture out with lottery winnings I'm not aware of, I hope I've gotten everything. As I type this, I realize what I want for Christmas: to be my fucking husband! Damn, he has it made for the holidays! Anyway, come Christmas day, I'll witness my kids unwrapping and tossing gifts to the side to open the next one and inevitably hear "how many days until Christmas" the next morning when they are full of disappointment that it's all over. Then, I'll preach how I'm not going to do it again knowing damn well that I will plan, buy, wrap and run around like a crazy person the next year and the year after that. Hopefully, one day, my kids will appreciate me as much as I appreciate what I had as a kid. In the meantime, I'll do it to experience the moment of excitement when my babies open that one gift that they begged for and it'll be worth all of the madness... or at least most of it. 

Oh, and I'll also find comfort in knowing on December 26th, I'll quickly get those sweet babies of mine dressed and drop them off at day care so I can come home, add Bailey's to my coffee and begin my day of leisure as I lay my happy ass on the couch while I watch movies full of profanity and violence. I won't do a fucking thing for anyone until after my husband, who I've sent out to get my munchkins from school, has returned home because, I, my friends, have the week off of work and I plan on doing nothing. And by nothing, obviously I mean nothing for the first day and then I'll clean out my closet, purge the kids' toys and catch up on everything else that I've neglected for the last 3-12 months. BUT, for the one day after Christmas, the most challenging task I plan to take on is deciding what cocktail to have next and where I'll be ordering delivery from. Please feel free to come over and join in on my new version of "holiday fun"! Until then, I wish each of you and your families a very Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas or just a Happy Holiday and only great things to come in 2018!