MOM OF EVERYTHING?

It's probably been a couple weeks now since Tyler, my 4 year old, and I were discussing what she would like to be when she grows up. She said, "I'm just going to stay a kid. I don't want to be an adult and work." <sigh> I hear ya baby girl! "Well, how are you going to make money to buy things?", I asked. After having to explain that the bank doesn't just hand out money and that debit cards are still a form of payment, she sat quietly, clearly deep in thought. "I'll be a mom, then" was her reply. "If you want to be a mom, that's great, but you don't get paid to be a mom."  Her eyebrows furrowed. "WHAT?! But moms do EVERYTHING!" Preach honey, fucking preach!!

I can't speak for every family but, in my family, I am the CEO. My husband will tell you the same. Every month, I post a color coded calendar on a dry erase board listing appointments, my husband's travel schedule, birthdays, events and everything else that I have scheduled or coordinated for the month. I do the majority (and that's being generous) of the laundry, grocery shopping, meal planning, scheduling, doctor's appointments, cooking, schlepping, clothes shopping, finances, gift ideas and purchases. I am typically the one driving to and from daycare and still work outside the home. So yeah, more often that not, it feels like I do everything. Now, admittedly, some of this is because of my husband's travel schedule, but some of it isn't. I mean, moms don't really get sick days, do we? My husband... well... you know where I'm going with this.

As moms, we get it done when we have a million things to do, when we are exhausted, have deadlines, are sick... and the list goes on and on. How we do it sometimes, I truly don't know. And that's just our day to day. Then there are the bigger things like how to discipline and teach our kids what rules to follow, how to be safe, who should never touch them, what to do if a stranger approaches them and countless other real life circumstances that you hope they never encounter.

I can do many things, but I can't do absolutely everything. I can't always protect them from mean words or loss or bad days. I'm unsure of what will come when they are old enough to experience social media, where everyone has a forum and they're braver behind a screen. Even that though, I'll figure it out and I'll teach my children not to be assholes, but how to stand up for themselves and others. I can't always protect their feelings, but I can help them be confident and bold. I can teach them about bullies and how not to be one.

So... well, while I can do many things, I can't do everything and sadly, we are reminded of this all too often. I can't ensure that when they are old enough to drive, a drunk driver won't hit them. I can't protect them from natural disasters. I can't guarantee they'll never receive a life threatening diagnosis. Obviously, there are so many things that are out of our control as parents, but we still carry around the anxiety of "what if?".

The "what if" is always terrifying, even debilitating for some. So, in a couple years when the school bus takes my first to school, am I going to have to fear that she may not come home? I'm not going to get into gun control laws and all of the politics. I believe in the second amendment and I believe there are many things that need to change. Do I think all the answers lie in gun control? No, but fuck, it's something. Maybe the answer is in how we address mental illness. Perhaps ammo control would prove more productive, but I don't know. What I do know is we need to have conversations. While gun control may be a step forward, it doesn't seem to ensure my child's safety in a place they should be safe. That's what I want. When I entrust you with my child, I want every precaution to be taken to keep them safe. That's what I do when they are in my care and that's what I expect to happen after I kiss them goodbye and watch them drive off to a place that is meant to expand their minds and pave the way for their future.

According to several news publications, the U.S. has had 25 fatal school shootings since 1999. This is more than Australia, Canada, China, England, Finland, France, Germany, Mexico, Norway and Switzerland, combined. That's disturbing. I don't know the answer to this, but what I do know is, as a country, for the safety of our children and those committed to developing them, we need to work together. This isn't the problem of one socioeconomic class, race, gender, religion or sexual orientation. This is an issue that affects us all. We need to come together, not create a larger divide. We need to humble ourselves and see what works elsewhere. We need to learn and implement the knowledge we gain, so that sooner than later, I won't fear my child's first day of school and everyday after when my they get on that bus. As parents, we have enough anxiety, enough worry... this shouldn't to be one of them.

So, my sweet babies, from this day forward, I forever hope that you, I or anyone else will never know the pain that so many families have suffered. I wish for the day I can send you outside and tell you to come home when the street lights come on. While I will always try, I can't do everything. Moms can't. Dads can't. You can't. No one can, but perhaps we can all be a part of the solution. My heart goes out to all of those who have experienced the pain and/or loss from a school shooting. It should have never happened and it should never happen again.