FIRST THINGS FIRST

I think it's important you know a little about me to see if we're a good fit. Not to say you have to agree with me, or even like me, but I think it's always nice to know what to expect if you're going to spend your time, which I would imagine is already limited, reading this.

I'm a mom. This isn't going to be the fluff you find on Facebook or Instagram with only perfect pictures or posts about my perfect marriage, my perfect kids or my perfect life. My world is not perfect, it's just not and that's ok. I'll be sharing the real mom shit we deal with that no one wants to say out loud. I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter, an 8 month old son and a husband who, as of recent, travels. I do a lot for my family but this is for me. It's my outlet and if it makes you feel less alone to know someone else has been there, then it's served more than it's purpose.

You should know I'm direct. My husband says I have no filter and don't think before I speak.  To his credit, he's probably right. You may like me or you may not. I'm not going to apologize for who I am, but know upfront, that I never intend to offend or hurt anyone. Ever. I respect the opinion of others and appreciate differences. More importantly, I won't judge you. Please, try to do the same.

I drink alcohol. Often. Actually, more after the second kid than the first. As I've noted, I'm not an alcoholic, but I am a mom. In my opinion, some days, it's necessary to survive. I don't make light of alcoholism as I've seen the disease up close. I'm not talking about alcoholism. I'm talking about a cocktail, or two, or hell, if the day requires, maybe a whole bottle of wine. If you don't drink, more power to you, but I do and I kinda think moms who don't are super human. So, when you see that flavored "water" in my hand when I'm in some kiddie hell, it probably has vodka in it. That travel coffee mug I'm holding after 11am, likely wine. Who knows what my poison may be that day but, chances are, it's helping me smile through the pain of not just the obscene number of kids swarming around me, but the inevitable talk about potty training, new studies on child development, breast feeding struggles or the endless opinions of some fellow moms. All that said, if you need a drink too, just ask. I may have an extra on hand to help a mom in need. 

I cuss. Certainly more than I should, but since being a mom, I actually cuss less... well, at least around my kids. My daughter's teacher reported she said "fuck" at the ripe age of 1 1/2 after dropping a toy. I was incredibly proud she used it in the correct context, but we did discuss adult words were well, just that, for adults. You'll see my potty mouth first hand. It's not intended to be disrespectful. Sometimes, I just feel certain words adequately get my point across. And well, shit, it's my blog so I get to say whatever the fuck I want.

Some of how I "mom"... I speak to my kids as though they are real, functioning people. I use my adult voice, real words and convey actual feelings. I think there are winners and losers. I don't believe every kid gets a trophy, including mine. I was typically one of the last to get picked for teams in P.E. class. In fact, I was lucky to get a lame, white participation ribbon and I turned out just fine. I think not always coming in first makes you strive to be better and helps build character. I don't want my kids rewarded because someone doesn't want to hurt their feelings. Throughout life, they will feel - positive and negative. I think it's helpful to learn how to understand and cope with feelings at a young age so they are prepared in life.

We use time out as punishment and I use a little Jewish guilt (it's genetic, I can't help it). We don't spank but if you do, I'm not going to fault you. I'm not a Pinterest mom and while I'm artistic, I'm not a crafter. I can sew a button on a shirt but, I don't make Halloween costumes. If you do, kudos to you. Meals? I prefer crock pot dinners, meals with a max of 5 ingredients or making reservations. Sadly, I make far less reservations than before kids. I believe in bribing my children for moments of peace. I don't have an issue with prepackaged snacks but, I do make sure my kids eat shit with nutritional value from time to time. My daughter could eat her weight in fruit snacks if I let her and some nights, in lieu of making dinner, I've almost let her. I believe in television and i-Pads, but we also read bedtime stories and color. To me, it's about providing my kids balance while maintaining my sanity. I do that however is necessary, depending on the day.

Most days, I give myself credit for keeping everyone in my household alive. Some days, I dread picking my kids up from daycare for fear of the unknown. Will I get my sweet, precious, happy babies or will I get their devil possessed little bodies? Oh, and by the way, I work and they go to daycare. I'm not equipped to be a stay at home mom. In my opinion, stay at home moms are a special breed. I'm a better mom having my time, my work and at least a car ride a day in silence.

More days than not, I have been puked on, had shit on my hands or some random spot or substance on my clothing. I'll wipe it off, wash my hands and usually notice the spot half way through my work day and attempt to get it out in the bathroom sink, often unsuccessfully. It's just what it is right now. Maybe one day I won't have a random, sticky substance in my hair or debate whether the stain on my shirt is from my daughter's chocolate chip cookie or actual shit from my son's last diaper change. Maybe.

My life is a constant state of limbo. I have a never ending "to-do" list and once I cross something off, three more things get added. I figure shit out as I go and use my intuition to make the best decisions I can for our kids and our family. I don't research incessantly because for every theory, there is a counter theory and truthfully, I don't want to spend my time googling everything because there is always something. Once a week I want to run away from life but then my daughter will put her sweet hands on my cheeks and tell me she loves me or my baby boy will have a random laughing session that makes me know I have no choice but to stay. After all, when they are actually decent, successful, contributing members of society, I can't let my husband take all the credit.

You'll get to know me more as time goes on, but for now, it's nice to have a forum to be me. I hope you'll hang around.