18 SUMMERS

Have you seen the reels telling parents to cherish these moments with your children because soon they’ll be grown? You only have 18 summers with them, you only have so many years to hold them, to watch them experience the new; so, explore together, embrace this magical period …

Well, I don’t know about you but there are some days I have no qualms about never having to relive some days. All the moments of childhood (and parenthood) are not fucking magical. I can tell you, it wasn’t magical when they were projectile vomiting all over me. It wasn’t magical the first time my son chose my husband over me or when my daughter talks to me like I’m a fucking idiot and it definitely wasn’t magical when my she deemed me the “meanest mom ever”. Funny, yes. Magical, no.

I was lucky enough to be able to carry both my babies. For 38 and 40 weeks, I carried each of my children. We were together every minute of every day. I ate for my baby, was up with my baby, quit drinking for my baby and basically, all the other things we sacrifice as parents, I started before I was even pregnant. Getting both of my babies out of my body was a glorious day. Not only because I was able to meet and hold them, but because they were finally out of my fucking body which, for 10 months, was not my own.

So, after 10 months of trying be sure I was doing everything right, now I have the pressure of embracing and cherishing each moment because “they grow up so fast”. That’s true. They do seem to grow up fast, but does that mean that I have to try to spend every available minute with them and on top of that, I’m supposed to embrace those moments? I’m not sure how to embrace the moments when they bicker with each other or talk back to me or are just behaving like the annoying little fuckers they can be. But I only have 18 summers! Does whoever started this whole thing realize how challenging summers can be with kids. Everyone is out of their routine, days are longer, and kids go to be later resulting in them being real joys the following day; yet, we have limited time to cherish our kids, according to them. Do we really think we aren’t going to see our kids after they turn 18? Are there not moments we can cherish once they move out? And truly, do you not think they’ll come stay with you during or after 18? They’ll always be your kids and there will always be moments to cherish and embrace after your 18 summers. I know I never turned down a family vacation after my 18th summer. I think when I was older, I appreciated the time with my family more and found more value in the moments.

I do really try to spend quality time with my kids, but I will tell you, those moments are not always cherished. For each moment to be “cherished”, there are times I would have to force it and then I don’t find it rewarding at all. And here’s the clencher- neither do they. I can assure you, neither of my kids is celebrating the moment when they are assholes, I lose my shit and end up crying alone in the closet with a box of cookies. I can also assure you, they won’t be loving the moment when they see we are out of cookies. Of course, we celebrate milestones and birthdays, but I don’t know that I joyfully experience those dates more than others. I love watching my kids grow up and experience new things. I don’t try to hold them back or keep them at a specific stage because “one day they’ll leave me”. They won’t be leaving me. They’ll be evolving into the adults we have worked so hard to raise and that part isn’t easy. Yes, we need to spend time with our kids but sometimes, we need to cherish time without them.

I feel like the pressure of embracing each moment with your child can be debilitating. The anxiety of missing something or focusing all our attention on our kids is dangerous and can quickly result in us neglecting ourselves and our needs. Sometimes, I need a few hours to find my zen. Other times, I need days without anyone to reset. I don’t know that this is the case for everyone but I find value in doing things without my children and feel this time makes me a better mom who exhibits more patience and ease. Not to mention, running errands, without kids, is quantifiably easier.

So, instead of agonizing over the summers that have passed or this summer, just enjoy the moments you do have. Spending quality moments with your kids rather than focusing on the quantity of moments. They won’t remember that you needed a break for yourself or didn’t play with them one afternoon. What they remember is when you show up for them. When you’re there before they knew they needed you. When you focus on being there for the times that are important to them. This summer try making a day or even moment memorable rather than absorbing the pressure of cherishing every single moment. Your kids will be your kids long after the 18th summer. This summer, I’ve cherished my kids, experienced joy when they get along and when I don’t, I drink my umbrella cocktail. Enjoy your last week(s) of summer!